Saturday, July 28, 2012

Let's Get Real Here

I'm going to be honest here and just say I've been having some big troubles with food lately.
I've talked before about the ED I have called orthorexia and it's been giving me a bunch of trouble lately.

I got into a funk and just started eating food that I treat myself to. One day of treat foods ended up into a few days with fried foods, sugar up the wazoo, and just plain crap food. I didn’t want to eat anything but those foods and then my ED kicked in and I started hating myself for eating what I was. I constantly berated myself for choosing “bad” food instead of sticking to my meal plan. I would get frustrated with myself for knowing I was eating unhealthy food and continuing to keep eating it. There were times I would get so frustrated I would be in tears. I didn’t know how to kick myself out of this food funk and start eating better foods. And in feeling bad about how I was eating I would feel bad about my body as well. I pictured myself blowing up like a balloon from the food I was eating and because I was having these horrible thoughts about my body, I turned to food to comfort myself. I was caught in this vicious circle and couldn’t figure out how to get out.

I go grocery shopping tomorrow and I’m hoping I’ll be able to get some yummy, nutritious food for myself and in turn feel better about what I’m eating. I’m seeing Sunday as a reset button and just take a deep breath and calm all my chaotic, self-deprecating thoughts.
This post doesn’t really have any entertaining material or really have a purpose, but I needed to let all of my thoughts flow and I want to be honest on my blog.

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