Odd title right? Well this year Christmas isn't wanted around here. Between the crazy move, getting kicked down, and basically being told I'm not wanted around here, who wants to fake being happy when everyone else is already over the top happy? Well not me. It's December 1st and by now I'd have all my Christmas decorations up, listening to Christmas music, and watching all my Christmas movies, but have I? No. I put lights up in my room and some ornaments and I'm at the point now of just taking them down and saying "screw Christmas" this year.
And what upsets me even more is that I'm depressed about Christmas. Whenever something I've been anticipating for awhile comes around and I'm upset/depressed and I can't control it, I go into a crazy panic. I'm talking staying-up-all-night-freaking-out type panic. But there isn't any way I can change this. Sure I can try and force myself to enjoy the season, but what the hell is the point? It's not like my house is a plethora of Christmas cheer anyway. I rarely see friends to cheer me up. And when I do interact with anyone it's at work and trust me, that's not too cheerful.
So I'm just going to drag my depressed self around glaring at the insane Christmas decorations and being a real-life Scrooge. Yay for a whole month of irritation!