Sunday, September 9, 2012

MIMM: Getting Some Me Time

I've been so busy with school that I keep putting off posting an update, but not anymore!

I've been doing so so much better. My medication has really started to help level me out, which has its ups and downs. I don't cry constantly and don't feel like the world is falling down around me, at least not every day like I did. But on the other hand I'm so incredibly mellow that it's not easy to feel happy exactly. It's a hard thing to explain but it's like I'm on this middle ground and when I do feel happy or sad it's in the extreme usually. I'm only on the 3rd week or so and it takes 4-6 weeks for my body to regulate to the new meds so I've still got some time to work the kinks out.

I've been eating a lot more food lately, but what I do eat doesn't vary beyond a few things. Most food still grosses me out and I'm still way under what I should be for calories, but I'm eating more than a few bites of bread a day. My staples have been Greek yogurt with granola to get protein in me and bean and cheese burritos made at home. I mean I literally eat this stuff like everyday and surprisingly am not tired of it yet. I've been pushing myself to eat stuff other than that and it's been absolutely terrifying. I don't want to be as skinny as I was because that was incredibly dangerous, but I'm scared to eat more food for fear that I'll blow up like a huge balloon. I've been pretty quiet with this fear and have been really working to improve how I see myself. I still haven't gained any weight back, but I can see some improvement with my body and energy levels.

I started exercising again now that I've got the energy to workout. I can't do anything that will raise my heart rate too high because then I start to get light-headed and pass out. My personal trainer has me on light weights and I was incredibly disappointed by how little I could lift. I was doing a chest press machine and could only do a max of 25 pounds, that's not even how much a bar weighs. But instead of letting myself be depressed by how weak I am, I motivate myself to just keep working with the little weights to gain my strength back. Soon I'll be back to lifting that bar and not feeling like I'm lifting an elephant. Cardio has been really hard because I can't go to our Zumba class for awhile; it just raises my heart rate way too much and the last time I went I started to black out. So to keep myself safe and not push myself past my limit I just go on the elliptical and play with the different levels, never raising my heart rate too much.
I'm so incredibly proud of myself for taking action and taking care of myself so I can be healthy again. Because isn't it just marvelous to be healthy?
I'll update some more on college life as well!

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