The Other Side of the Coin

Hey there everyone!

I wanted to write a more serious post here about something that's been going on and wanted to share with all of you.

I've noticed (mostly) women talk about how they need to lose weight or they don't like how big x, y, z is, it's an extremely common trend and I mean hey, that's what my job is about- helping people lose weight and feel better about their bodies.
What I want to talk about today is the other side of the coin. The small group of women who struggle to gain weight. Because that's me.
I'm not touchy about my telling my weight because hey, what's the point? For the longest time I hovered around 120 and then awhile back I lost about 15 pounds when I got depressed and anorexic. Once I gained weight back I stuck around 115 and I did my best to stay there as a minimum weight.
Lately I started noticing something wasn't quite right and I stepped on the scale and I was 112, 3 pounds less than my minimum and veering towards underweight for my height.
That's when I noticed how skinny I had really gotten

I notice weight loss on my body a lot around my joints and collarbone. On a healthy weight my knees don't stick out so much, my arms are bigger than sticks, and my collarbone and shoulder don't stick out so much.

None of this is from starving myself intentionally, but I looked at my calorie count and I was eating about half of what I should be. It's not that I don't eat, it's that my stomach doesn't allow me to eat that much.
It's not uncommon in my family to have this. My grandma, my aunt, and my uncle all struggle to maintain a normal weight. I just happened to get those genes.

The issue I wanted to bring up is the comments I get from a lot of people about my size. I get a, "you're so lucky you're skinny" or "you need some meat on your bones," or "why are you complaining, people would kill for your body"
Lemme say this, as someone who is dangerously skinny, I know I am. You don't need to point it out, same as you don't need to point out someone is obese. We know.
And it's not like I don't try to to gain weight, I don't like being this skinny. I want muscle and muscle requires something besides skin and bones and I strive for that constantly the same way someone strives to lose weight. I can sum it up in 3 words..It's Not Easy.
Being this skinny is tough on my body. I can't do a lot of exercise or a lot of movement because I run out of steam extremely quickly. I'm always tired and I hurt a lot. 

A lot of nutrition programs and fitness articles focus on losing weight, which obviously isn't the case here. But I have yet to find one thing on gaining weight for someone who doesn't have an eating disorder. Despite the fact that I'm training to be a personal training and have nutrition knowledge and schooling, I have no clue what to do with my own body. Can you understand how upsetting and frustrating it is to not be able to take care of your own body despite having all the tools?

This isn't meant to be a rant, it's meant to bring awareness that sometimes you're "get some meat on your bones" comments aren't helpful and that you shouldn't judge someone just because of how they look. That person could be like me who can't gain weight no matter how hard they try or they may have lost a bunch of weight and are proud of the size they are.
Just don't judge.
Plain and simple.