My Fitness Gameplan

Welcome back!

As a trainer I am constantly keeping my clients' goals in mind when I create a workout. Want to work primarily on upper body strength for a sport, check! Lose weight during a contest, check!

I've really come to the conclusion that I can train other people no problems, but apparently I can't train myself.

How does that make any sense??

My biggest flaw has been consistency. I've lifted here and there over the years, but never anything consistent. After I lost a good portion of my muscle back in 2012 from my eating disorder I've struggled with gaining muscle back. I've tried all manner of exercise routines to gain muscle and in the end I haven't seen much change. A lot of that has to do with consistency, but I didn't know if maybe I was doing something wrong.

Recently I reached out to my personal training boss here at the gym I workout for some advice and direction. She has thankfully taken me under her wing and put together a routine for me. One of the biggest problems we encountered with my training has been my shoulder position. Over the years I've worked desk jobs and my shoulders have started rolling forward, even though I've worked hard on having better posture.

I'm limited to the kind of lifts I can do; in essence we're starting from the basics to set a solid foundation. I won't lie, it's frustrating. I'm learning patience which I haven't been blessed with a lot of.

My other biggest challenge has been eating. I don't eat nearly enough for my activity level and so my body doesn't function the way it should. It's difficult for my body to put muscle on when I'm not fueling it enough to do so. I've been working on eating more protein throughout the day besides just more food in general. Out of nowhere my body just woke up and seemed to want to finally eat a normal amount of food. I attribute it to my body realizing it wasn't supposed to survive on 800-1000 calories a day and finally decided to make up for lost calories.
I seem to have found my spirit animal

I'm being smart about what I eat so I'm not just shoveling junk food into my mouth.

It'll be interesting to see where this journey takes me, but I plan to keep this little page updated more often so you can follow along too.

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A Little Check-In

Hello hello everyone!

Sorry I've been so absent practically all over social media! It's been crazy trying to sort out my schedule and I've had a little medical problem pop up again.

Normally I try to keep this blog pretty upbeat, but it's also a blog about my life so I wanted to include you all in what is going on. 

Back when I was 15 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. It really popped up after a traumatic experience and I was harming myself and considering suicide. My doctor put me on medication and counseling and things got better. Throughout the years since then things have been up and down. I've had times when I stopped taking the pills because I felt better and just ended spiraling back down into my depression.

This last round in 2012 I was put back on my antidepressant for good. I was underweight and eventually everything evened itself out and I got better and was back to normal. However, sometime last year I noticed that my depression and anxiety would creep up on me for no reason. I was having panic attacks regularly and would cry at the drop of a hat at absolutely nothing. 

I knew something wasn't right and my doctor agreed that something else was wrong that was fueling my depression and anxiety to pop back up in a cycle.

I go through times when I'm perfectly fine and then others when I can barely drag myself out of bed and have panic attacks just lying in bed.

Currently I just finished going through a downswing and am slowly climbing my way back to normal. I understood that while working out and eating healthy are good for my body and would help somewhat with my depression, it also just wasn't happening. I didn't want to guilt myself or negative-talk myself into making it in for a workout. So I just didn't. I let myself hermit and be quiet when I had the time and then focused on the obligations I had with other people; work, training clients, and therapy with my grandma.

Now that I'm feeling better I plan to get back into the swing of things.

Thanks to all of you who stick around during this lulls when I drop off the face of the earth.
I'll be back soon with some new things!